I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
