Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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