Acid is not a monday night drug
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
