I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
