the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
