Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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