I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize