I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
