i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
