One girl and one boy is just not enough.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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