it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Randomize
