there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Randomize
