you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
