There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
please come you make the beer taste better
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
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