Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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