His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
