I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
