I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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