I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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