I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
