yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
i can't believe i had my finger in that
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize