Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
