Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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