In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
