sorry about calling you the devil all night.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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