Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
