Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Randomize
