There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Randomize