U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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