We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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