I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
