i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
