it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
