god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize