North Korea, Best Korea!
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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