it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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