Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize