he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
