As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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