just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
