someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
How naked do you want me to be?
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
