My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Randomize
