I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Randomize
