He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
