I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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