sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize