I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
