kristin has been a bad kristin
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
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