You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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