I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Welp...herpes.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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