You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize