I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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