it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize