yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
