I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize