I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
