I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
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