I wish I could teleport
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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