How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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