but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
