'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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