I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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