yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize