How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I have already put on my inside pants.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
