And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
