Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
