so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
