I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
We need to feng shui this bitch.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
