you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
