What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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