I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I pour the whiskey from now on
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize