Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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