I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
