Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Bring me that man meat
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
