I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
