How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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