i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I think I won the penis lottery.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Even my vagina gasped.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Randomize
