and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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