Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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