ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
