There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize