Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Randomize
