I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
