you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
