I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
May the power of my ass compel you!!
How does one acquire holy water?
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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