Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
