So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
