I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I want a musical about memes.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
