i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
