Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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