Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
