found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Randomize
