He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
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