I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I just found puke in my bra..
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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