i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
