this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
