we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize