Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
