At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
