Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
