I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Rumble strips road head = magical
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
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